Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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