Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
