Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
tequila makes me forget i have legs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
