i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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