Your dad touched me again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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