I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
