Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
