i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
