Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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