No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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