I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
