I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to calm my uterus...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
