what day is it and did you see me today?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
