Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
