i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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