watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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