He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
