So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
