i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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