your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
