It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
