Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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