I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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