..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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