some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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