Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
