I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
