he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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