Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
