Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
