If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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