I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
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This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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