if only i could text you this smell
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
