If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
