So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
