I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
