i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize