yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
