Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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