oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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