he puts the penis in happiness.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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