Already got asked if we're dating
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
