The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
