My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
