Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
