did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
