I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
