how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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