Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The Olympian is in my bed
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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