I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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