omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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