I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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