Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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