I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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