then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
