I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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